Maha Adil

Though God doesn't have to prove to me that He is fair, sometimes I wished He would..

An Old Path

Taubat used to be when I would say sorry, Dhuha used to be when I would say thank you.. But now every prayers is just me begging to God to give back everything He took from me. Every prayers feels like I'm doing Hajat. The last time I said Alhamdulilah with a big smile on my face was back when I was happy.. Back when you were still here. 

Goodbye Moonmen

Stopped praying for a week just to see whether if I might be one of those people. People that doesn't pray but God still give them everything.. Istidraj' is the word, however you spell it. I guess I'm not one of those people, since I felt more miserable when I intentionally skipped all those obligations. I guess I'm one of those people whose life gets hard when you stop praying, and life gets even harder when you pray. It's going to be a long night.. A week worth of prayers I have to cover back.

Self-Accusation

I have only a couple of regrets in this life, but those few regrets are the ones that matters. Those few are the ones that is killing me every single day..

Burnt Out

I'm sorry buddy.. I'm sorry I felt this way. I can hide those feelings, but I know that's not the truth.

Lost Family

Took my nephew to the park the other day, because I had to watch him for a couple of hours. The look in his face, his smile, his laughter brings joy to your heart but at the end of the day he brought me more pain than comfort.. Because I know I would never have something like that. So I stopped doing all of those things. I stopped playing with him, I stopped taking him to the playground.. Because it hurts, it hurts so much. Never would have thought that hearing your nephew's laughter and giggles would break the heart.

Raven Fall

Once they have gone through the bullshit they put you through, only then you'll know that they are truly sorry for what they did. Once they have felt what you feel, once they have suffered as you have.. Only then their apology meant something.

4 Worlds

Had a dream about the past last night.. And when I woke up, I immediately try to find my phone. That's when reality drags you back to the real world.. Because the last time I touched that phone was 6 months ago, give or take a few weeks. Maybe the next time that dream comes I would know which one is the truth

Suicide Note

Got really angry that night. What else should I do when talking to God only made it worst.. Only made you even angrier. 

Cursed Wind

Please teach your daughter to never be the reason why someone would stop believing in love. Teach her to not be like you. Teach her to always be loyal and faithful. 

Angel Of Mercy

Lost the way home..

Sogni D'Oro

You are only good as your last deeds.

Search Of Dreams

I guess I won the "I love you more" game..

Epilogue

Those antidepressant doesn't seems to work.. Maybe this body is immune to it or I needed a higher dose of it.

Obliviate

There goes someone I would never see again.. I should probably get used to it. Now there's only one left. How long will this one last? She's not getting any younger..

Everlasting Curse

I once believed that you were sent here to me to break the curse.. Never would have thought that you were part of this curse.

Immortals

Maybe I asked too much and I gave too little. 

Sun Dancer

Have you ever looked at someone doing something and you say to yourself, "She used to do that a lot." Then you started to see a bit of her in everyone you sees. If only I could harvest those traits and build my own you.

If I Needed You

A person who smokes, drinks, goes clubbing and fools around has God in his heart, and you don't. At that point you knew that you have sunk so deep in depression. That person may not be doing all the right things, but at the very least he still got God in his heart. From my point of view he's doing a lot better than me. 

Void Page 3

I'm at my emptiest.

An Old Magic

Have never been the first to let go.. But always the one that keeps holding on.

Tanzanite

"..But I have to go.. I'm sorry.."

Dormant

It's kinda funny that you're the most religious one in the family and at the same time you hated God the most.

Consolation

You ask for forgiveness during the night, but through out the day you curse this life, you curse His plans, you curse His name..

Love Less

This is what it feels like to lose faith in God. Not in your religion, but just Him. You still do what you are commanded to do. You still worship Him, you still pray to Him.. But most of the time you do all those things with so much hate, with so much anger in your heart. 

Nephilim

The very best thing in life is also the most painful memory to reminisce.

Assuage

Life was indeed an adventure when you're around..

Rewrite History

A life where you never left.. That's just something that would never happen now. Tried so hard to relive that dream again each and every night. That's the world I would want to live in. If only I would never have to wake up ever again.. If only I could just leave this stupid reality.

On Winter's Night

They said that if you're having a dream of someone, that means that particular someone is missing you.. If it's true, why would you? Because it's you almost every night. Wished it was true though.. But something that good can't never be the truth. Just another bullshit you would want to believe when you are out of hope I guess..

Beneath My Soul

"Hoping that one day you'll come home to me.. Because I'm tired of being lost."

The Beat The Rhythm

"By sheer circumstances he was bonded to her.. And look at how far he went for her."

Refuse

10,000 is a lot of money and I would lose some of the dividend annually if I took out that kind of amount. The only reason I agreed to it because I was hoping that God will help me.. God will finally grant me my wish. At this point I wonder what would I give, what would I sacrifice for that wish. Lent 500 to a friend, and now 10,000 to a family. What more do I have to do so that God will hear me out?

Forbidden Memories

"You broke him, he apologized."

Lost Light

What better way to break a man than to do it on his birthday. So every year he will be reminded of what he lost that day.

By Fire

I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't waiting the whole day for you to wish me..

Blood On Ice

In your own shitty little world.

Lunar Oracle

I would still come running, despite everything that has happened.. I would still come running to you. 

Limitations

When you keep everything that's bothering you inside, and you faked everything else throughout the whole day for the world to see.. It really kills you at the end of the day. It really eats you up on the inside. Then you decided to stop faking and just stop seeing people.. Because nobody wants to deal with that shit. Nobody wants to hang out with someone that is suffering from depression. There's no point talking about it when people already know. It doesn't help in any way. It doesn't solve the problem, it doesn't make you feel better.. So you shut yourself off from the world. You don't have to fake it, and people don't have to deal with you. Win-win I guess.

Ascendancy

"Was it worth it?" Every second.
"Would you go through it all again?" Every time.

Painful Process

"I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time.."

Wishful Thought

Still hoping it's you and me in the end..

A Monster Calls

You know that your dreams felt as real as it can get when you wake up in tears. Nowadays, good things come from only my dreams. I wished I would never wake up again.. My life's perfect in there.

Ashen One

We sat on the stairs overlooking the entire city. We talked. We fought. We cried. We laughed. Together. Neither of us wants to leave, but you have to.. Because you have someone else waiting for you.

Hear Me

"Sorry. The number you have dialed is no longer in service.."

My Own World

Could you please tell me all the things I want to hear from you.. Maybe for one last time? Even if it's only just a lie.. Just want to hear you say you love me again..

Still

I have to blame myself because I still love you..