Overdose

I still want her back in my life.. Please let her be the one for me, for us.

Trap Box

I miss the excitement of coming back home. I really miss that.. That's when we will go lunch together, we can get to see each other again after being apart for so long. That's when I could hold you so close to me.. I can see your smile, I can hear you laugh, I can make you merajuk.. Hehe. I really miss that sayang.. I always feel like coming back home to Subang Jaya every week. I want to always be near to you. But now it feels like hell coming back here.. It hurts so much being so close to you but yet so far away. Subang Jaya don't feel like home anymore.. I wish I could run away from you. But I know if I have the chance, I would never do that. I will always want to be close to you no matter how much it hurts. I want to be there for you.. I don't know what I should do anymore. I know what I want though.. Hmmm.. I'm trapped.

Away I Go

"Remember that time when we.. Remember that one time.." 

I always start like this when I talked about our past, our memories together. Those wonderful memories together.. I wonder if you look back at the times we were together, would you look at it with delight or disgust? The way you treat me now, I think I know the answer to that question..

Daze

I wished I could draw.. But I can only write.

In Your Footsteps

..And I'll never be ready for this change

Disgrace

Remember dear.. Allah itu Maha Adil.

Coming Winter

Last year on my birthday, you told me that you might have someone new. This year on my birthday, you got married to this someone. Thanks for ruining my birthday forever, I would never get to feel happy on my birthday anymore. Thank you so much. Thank you for causing me so much pain..

Solace

I thought we were going to get married after I graduated. We were going to find a place for us to start a family.. Maybe a small apartment or flat for the first few years of our life together. Then we will start to learn how to live together.. How to live the life of a married couple. I thought you will stay, I thought we will start from zero. Every month we will buy a new furniture for our home.. Wouldn't that be fun dear? It's like playing the Sims. We will start from nothing, until we have everything. Don't you want that? We might live a hard life for the first few years. But we are still in the learning process of getting to know each other, getting to know how the world works. I thought you will be at my side no matter what. You promised that to me.. You promised that you will stay no matter what. But you broke that promise, and all the other promises you made. You left me in this hell hole. You took the easier way out. You went and married someone who can give you everything that you want. I thought you wouldn't mind living a hard life as long as it is with me.. But I was wrong. You want a man that is already established, rather than a man that sacrificed his everything to give you a good future. A man who is working so hard to secure your future, our future. I may not have a house on my own, but I promised I will get you one. Of course you don't see all of these, all of the sacrifice.. Because you were too busy flirting with other men. Here I am busting my ass off to give you a better future together, and you decided to bail on me and be with someone who is fucking rich. What happened to you? You weren't like this before.. Did he bewitched you or something? How can you be so blind? What happened sayang?

She Is Dead

Why would she care? She's happy now.. Of course she is not gonna realise it. She wouldn't give a damn about me. Maybe she regretted meeting me, I know she wants me gone.. I know she wish we never met. I know she wants me to suffer, She wants me dead. Keep torturing me love.. Maybe one day my heart will fucking burst. 

Evening Light

I hope you will realize how much pain you have caused me.. Because I don't think you realize what you did to me was wrong. You are very selfish dear.. I hope one day you will realize that. You cannot keep doing this to me, you hurt me again and again.. Did I ever hurt you this badly? Did I ever caused you so much pain before? Did I ever leave you? It's not fair Sayang.. Remember the guy that cheated on you? You left and return back to him, remember that time? We were together for a few weeks, then suddenly he said that he might still love you.. And without saying a word to me, you went running back to him. Do you remember that? Do you remember how broken you made me? Have I ever done that to you? Then you came back to me because he still cheats on you.. I never brought this up when we fought. I never mention about your past.. How much you hurt me, how you used me. I never betray you.. I never stop loving you. I gave you everything.. Didn't I? But how could you do this? You always left without saying goodbye.. You can't keep doing this to me. Now this new guy came into your life and you left me again and married him? You barely even know him.. You did it again. You left me again. The person that loves you so much, the person that never betrays your love, the person that is always with you, the person that sacrificed everything for you, just to see you smile, the person that never gave up on you. You really really hurt me this time sayang.. You really really did. I guess I love you more than this new guy will ever love you.. He hasn't gone through what I have gone through. I love you even you have hurt me this bad, this much. My love will always be stronger than him. 

Even In Death

I'm so so disappointed Sayang.. I'm not mad, just so disappointed with you. 

Slow Down

I wished I would still get a blue tick from your Whatsapp.. And yeah I still talk to you everyday. I wish you good morning, goodnight, sleep well, sweet dreams. I still tell you how my day was, when something happened. I still tell you, I still talk to you.. But you will never see it. I hope one day you will unblock me..

Azmodan

One test after another..

Introspection

I know you ain't mine, but I still look out for you..

Lone

Everything is falling apart again.. I hope I can save them as well. I hope I can.. But I need to save myself too. But I don't want to see them apart.. I wish she was here to save me. I need someone to save me as well. I don't want to be selfish, I don't want to lose my family again.. I have lost so much. Please give me the strength to save my family and myself. I wished she was here with me.. I need you to come back.. I can't do this on my own. But I need to save them first before I save myself.. I don't want to lose anyone anymore. How am I supposed to save them if I can't save myself? 

Inside Silence

Ya Allah please don't break my family even more.. I don't want to lose my sister, I don't want to lose my little nephew. Please Ya Allah give me the strength, give me the right words to say to my brother. I don't want to lose anyone anymore.. You took her away from me, please don't take them too.. Cukup Ya Allah.. Please no more..

Angler

Gonna miss your weird masakan. Gonna miss your sardin masak lemak. Gonna miss your ayam goreng rempah.. It was soooo tasty my dear. Hehe.. Gonna miss it so much.

Waiting

I dreamt about you again today.. You told me to wait for you. You are going somewhere, and you asked me to wait for your return. That's what I understood from my dream anyway. I went to your house because someone told me you are going somewhere, I came running to you.. And then I saw you inside a car. Can you guess what car? It's our mini ferrari.. I wanted to follow you, but you said no. I asked you if I could keep all the pictures I have of you, even those pictures you know. You said yes, you said keep all of them, ALL of them. I asked if I could keep all the memories of us. You said to always remember you, keep you close to my heart. You said wait for you to return, you said you love me.. Then you kiss my forehead and leave.. I hope I will dream of you again. Maybe this dream will be about when you return..

Feast

Do you remember that one time you went to pasar malam and you asked me to pick you up? I came very late that night, do you wanna know why? I was late because I got into an accident. I was rushing to go and pick you up, and I hit someone's car. My car is fine though. You told me to hurry up and so I did. I didn't want to tell you because I don't want you to feel responsible.. I don't want you to feel that it happened because of you, I don't want you to feel guilty. RM200 I think I have to pay.. Can't really remember. If I told you, you will want to pay for it as well. So I kept it a secret. I only told you that I have to pay my hutang, so you don't have to know. You even asked what hutang, I didn't say anything.. I avoid answering the question. I don't want you to know. There are so many things I did for you and I didn't tell you.. There are so many things I've sacrificed for you. There are so many things you didn't know.. Only God knows how much I have sacrificed for you. Maybe I should have told you all the things I did for you, all the things I have sacrificed for you.. Maybe then you wouldn't do this to me. You wouldn't leave me.. Maybe I should have told you..

New Nova

I had a dream about you today. I saw you in a mall. But you weren't covering your aurat, you didn't wear your tudung. Your hair is still that medium length.. That length when we were together, but longer. Remember dear? After I saw you not wearing your tudung in public, I got so mad. I really really marah you at that time. I was so hurt that you didn't wear tudung, that you have changed so much. You never listen to me anymore.. I took a piece of cloth and cover your head. I don't want other people to see your aurat.. But you looked as beautiful as ever in my dreams. You are so beautiful my dear.. But you can't do that in public. You have to cover your body properly. Your hair, your arms, your feet. Please cover those.. I get so hurt, I get so uncomfortable when you didn't cover your body properly.. I know you are not my wife. But I care so much about you.. I have always wanted to take care of you. I want to jaga your pemakanan, your well being, your agama, your aurat, your happiness, your clothes, your everything. I know I can be a good husband to you..

Sniped

She really did betray my love and my trust.. 

Friendly Fire

I hope he gives you his everything like I did, like I always have..

Magic Times

Can you remember the first time I was your imam? Bonda nak buat a small gathering, and she wants you to help her cook. That time was magical.. I get to cook with you, I get to pray with you, I get to play Playstation with you.. Hehe. But you were busy taking pictures instead of watching me play. Selfie Queen. I thought we were going to have more memories like that.. I thought I'm going to be the one that helps you clean the house, wash the dishes, tolong sidai baju, tolong lipat baju.. You know all those things I would love to do together. I hope that dream is not gone forever. I hope we could be together again one day.. I'll be sure to guide. I'll be sure to teach you what I know about Islam. I'll be sure to take good care of you. InsyaAllah Aamiin..

Poison

I'm sure she wished that I was dead by now, I know she wished that I would just die some time ago. It would be easier for you no? I will never disturb you anymore, I will never post stuff about you anymore. Keep praying dear, keep wishing. Maybe one day I will die soon enough. 

Incognito

I promised God that I will puasa for 30 days if she came back to me. Even though God hasn't grant me my wish yet, I have already did 20 days. You know how desperate you are when you do this.. I might have to puasa for the rest of the year

Project

Ya Rabb, can You tell me if she is not happy? Can You tell me when she is hurt? Just like You did when she got married. I felt something in my heart that day. The whole day rasa tak sedap hati, everything I did semua tak kena. So please Ya Allah.. Please tell me. I want to be there for her.. So whenever something bad happened to her. Please tell me Ya Allah.. Tell me where I can find her, tell me what can I do for her, tell me what is in her heart. You told me before the day she got married. You told me where to find her during her reception. Thank you so much Ya Allah.. Alhamdulilah.. 

Heart Of Ink

Maybe I wasn't good enough for her. Maybe that is why God took her away from me..

Scoundrel

"Well, she did what all unreasonable women do: married the wrong man.."

Black As Coal

I wish I could be the one that breaks your heart.. But you know damn well that I would never ever do such a thing.

Memory

If only you believe like I believe.. We could be on top of the world by now. But you decided to let go of my hand, you decided to let go of my heart.. It should have been us. We were promised forever, well I was promised forever by you.. And you broke that promise. You went away.. I tried to chase you. I really did. I was so close, but yet so far. I hope this will not be the end of us.. I don't want us to end like this. I want the feeling to be mutual.. Not like this.

Nameless

I must have love her so much that I feel kinda angry when she exposed her aurat. That I feel so uncomfortable knowing that she is not covered properly. I hate myself because I can't do anything to save her. Ya Allah.. What am I supposed to say to her? What am I supposed to do? I can't protect her anymore.. So please Ya Rabb, protect her for me. Protect her from her own stubbornness. I wished we could still be together, so that she will listen to me. Soften her heart Ya Allah.. Lembutkanlah.. I care Ya Allah.. I still care.. And I will always care. 

Mage Hunter

Because you still love her that's why dummy..

Microscopic

Why do I still care if her aurat is showing? Bukannya aku yang dapat dosa..

Rasul

When I heard stories about you Rasullulah, I don't know why I feel sad and I have this weird feeling. I have never met you before, I don't know you. But I miss you.. I don't why I miss you so much. I wished you were still alive, you will know what to say to me. You will know what must I do. I wished I could in Madinah again, I want to see you again Ya Rasullulah.. I want to talk to you again..

Come Undone

Allah itu Maha Adil.. But still I gonna feel sad if she has to go through what have I gone through. I know I can take this pain, I hope.. But I'm not sure she will ever endure this kind of pain, this kind of heart break. I wouldn't want to see my princess hurt.. But Allah itu Maha Adil. I don't want to see her hurt, I don't want to see her in pain.. I just want you to know dear, that I will always be there for you no matter what. If you are hurt, I can fix the wound. If you are in pain, I can mend your broken heart. I'll save you again like I did that time you know? Hmmm..

Gospel

"Baiki dunia ku supaya ia tidak merosakkan iman dan agama ku.."

Sharkbait

Danial berkata, "Segala puji bagi Allah yang tidak melupakan orang yang mengingat-Nya. Segala puji bagi Allah yang tidak pernah mengecewakan orang yang berharap kepada-Nya. Segala puji bagi Allah yang barangsiapa bertawakal kepada-Nya, niscaya Dia akan memberi kecukupan kepadanya. Segala puji bagi Allah yang barangsiapa menaruh kepercayaan penuh kepada-Nya, niscaya tidak akan Dia pasrahkan urusannya pada yang lain. Segala puji bagi Allah yang telah membalas kebaikan dengan kebaikan dan membalas keburukan dengan ampunan. Segala puji bagi Allah yang telah membalas kesabaran dengan keselamatan. Segala puji bagi Allah yang telah menyingkap kesulitan kita setelah ditimpa musibah. Segala puji bagi Allah, Dia-lah yang kami percayai, ketika kami berprasangka buruk atas amalan-amalan kami. Segala puji bagi Allah, Dia-lah harapan kami, ketika semua cara tertutup di hadapan kami.”

Old Me

I don't want to be the man I used to be. I really liked the man I am when I'm with you.. The man who is sincere in his prayers, the man who can smile, the man who can laugh, the man who can be nice to people, the man who can enjoy life, the man who has found his dream, the man who is genuinely happy. That's why I can't let you go I guess, that's the reason I hold on.. I don't want to lose the man I used to be.. I'm starting to lose it when you left. I'm becoming the old me.. You make me a better person dear, I want you to know that. I can smile more, I can laugh, I can eat so much more because you, I can do a lot of things when we were together. I'm afraid. I don't want to go back.. That's why I need you so much. That's why I need you still.. Without you, I can hear the devil the whispers to me. All the evil thoughts running through my head.. Without you, I'm starting to lose hope.. My dreams start to fade. It feels like I can never reach them anymore. You are my light. You are my light sayang.. 

Temple

She looks happy..

Red Dress Devil

She is so perfect.

Last Colonies

I just hope God will accept all of my deeds.. 

Conviction

Since I have no appetite, I can't eat like I used to, I decided to puasa every day. I don't if I'm allow to do that.. I want to convert my suffering, my inability to eat like I used to into an ibadah. Maybe if I puasa every day I would be able to control my nafsu, I would be able to control this sadness, this pain, this anger and so on. Aren't you proud of me sayang? Hehe.. I hope you will be proud of me. 

Colour Study

Kirim salam dekat Princess yang mengada lagi manja tu for me Ya Allah. Tell that stubborn princess I love her so much, tell her that I miss her as well.

Will

I promised God that I will only use this money for us. For our future together.. I will continue to do so. I will keep on saving for us. This money is for our future house, future kids, future vacation. You see the paper there? Inside it are things that you wanted.. Like travelling. I have to save some so we could travel and see the world. I know it is not much.. Ada la a few thousands in there. If we ever get married, this little tabung will be yours. I kept it a secret so that one day we got married I would surprise you.. But now I might never get the chance.. Even if we won't ever get married in this world, I will still keep it for you.. Just in case you might need it. For your medical expenses or things of that sort. I really really want to use this money to build our very own masjid.. But if I can't use it to build a masjid together with you, I promised to God that I will use it to build a real masjid InsyaAllah.. It will be under your name and my mom. It will be your saham akhirat.. InsyaAllah Aamiin..

Prayers

Whenever I talk to God about you, I always use names that I used to called you like.. Princess, chubby princess, princess yang gebu, princess pipi tembam, si gemuk, princess mengada, princess manja and so on. It helps me put a smile on my face, I feel a bit of joy when I used names like that. It makes me feel comfortable to talk to God about you, about our memories, about us.

War Never Changes

I should have fought harder.. I should have. 

Dead King

When I miss you, I would go to a folder on my laptop named "Princess". All of our memories is inside that little folder.. The places we go, the time we spent together, all of our memories is inside there. Every day I would go there.. And I would get lost in the past. Our beautiful past.. It was so peaceful over there sayang.. I wished you could be there with me. It sucks going there alone, it gets very lonely sometimes.. I hope one day when I visit our little box of memories, you will be there waiting for me, for us.. InsyaAllah..

Nano

I'm your awan nano, I could still be your awan nano..

King Vendrick

I don't think I will be able to attend my graduation day. It would remind me of the time I went for your graduation.. It would remind me of how wonderful that day was. It would remind me of you, of us.. You were so beautiful on that day. How I miss spending time with you together with your family.. It was so exciting and awkward living together with you and your family under one roof. But I would love to do it again someday.. So yeah.. I don't think I would be going to my degree graduation. I don't feel like going anymore, maybe because you will not be there for me anymore, you won't ever see me wearing the robe, the hat, receiving the scroll, we will not be able to take pictures together anymore.. And that hurts. It really really hurts dear. I will try to make an excuse, I will think of something so that I don't have to go..

Meera

Ku masih ingat saat-saat yang indah..

Ku masih rasai kau ada di sisi..

Walaupun kau sudah tiada..

Kenapa ku merinduimu..

Sebab hati ada simpan cinta lalu..

Setiap penjuru kusimpan memori..

Setiap gerakku terdengar suaramu..

Sebagaimana ku kata, ku masih perlukan dia..

Untukku terus jalani masa ini.