Die Young

I love to jaga her.. I always hope that I could take care of her. I'm sorry I neglected you in our final moments together. I'm sorry I was too obsessed, I was too scared of our future. Maybe you don't know this.. But I was afraid, like really really really afraid. I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to take care of you, I wouldn't be able to provide for you. That's why I neglected you back then, I focused too much on my studies. I wanted to get good grades, I wanted to get a good job. So I can sara you and our kids.. Maybe you wouldn't understand how frightening the future it is to me. I'm a man, it is my responsibility to take care of you, to provide for you, to support you.. I wanted to give you everything that you want.. But I can't do that if my grades weren't good enough, if I got a shitty job with low payment. Maybe you don't know how afraid I was. I didn't want you to know.. I want you to always think of me as your strong fearless abang komander. Not a guy who is so afraid of his own future.. I should have trusted God. I know He will help me.. I know He will help us. But I was so stupid back then.. I was so afraid that it causes me to be so uptight. Selalu stress.. And when you message me, I will always get mad. I released all my worries, doubts at you. I'm really sorry I did that.. I get really tense when you messaged me when I'm studying.. You know kan you are my greatest distraction? Only you can distract me.. That's why marah tu. I need to study, but at the same time I need to layan you. Then when you merajuk, lagi bertambah marah.. I'm sorry dear I stopped treating you like a princess in our final moments. Why was I so worried about my future, about our future? Because I didn't want to be like my father.. I want to give you everything.. I want to give my princess everything that she wants.. But at that time all she wants was my attention and affection.. I'm sorry princess, if you ever read this.. Please forgive me.. Forgive me for studying too hard.. Forgive me for working too hard to fulfill your wants.. Forgive me for ignoring your needs.. Forgive me for being scared of our future..