Janji Kepada Tuhan

I'm sorry I can't give you the things you wanted like him. I know he is rich, Just look at your wedding, it was so grand.. It was so beautiful. And your dress.. You looked like a princess, just like you have always wanted. But to me your dress seems a little bit tight, I won't accept that dress.. You know how I dislike it when your clothes are a bit tight, when you wear clothes like that in public. I think our nikah dress looks better. I'm sure he can give you everything. I'm sorry I can't promise you happiness in this world. I can only promise you that you will be saved in the next world, in the hereafter. That I can do.. I can promise you that we will pray together a lot, I can promise you we will recite the Quran together, I can promise that we will fast as many as we can, I can promise that I will wake you up for tahajjud, I can promise that I will remind you to solat dhuha, I can promise that I will guide you to heaven with me. But I can never promise you an easy life in this world. I can't promise you a comfortable life, big houses or big cars. I can't promise you that. I can't promise you that you will get everything that you want. But I will give you everything that I have.. Haven't I given you everything that I had? My duit komander, I spent it most on you.. You asked to simpan duit, I did. Most of my gaji when I worked part time at McDonald's I keep it inside the blue tabung. I also saved my everyday allowance so that we will have enough for our wedding. I only eat once a day so I can save more for you. I did that for you.. I did all of this for you, for our love. I know its hard sayang.. I know its hard to wait for me to have enough for the both of us. Its not easy for you.. You always wanted to get married. But for the sake of Allah I tried.. For the sake of menghalalkan our relationship I sacrificed so much for you, for us.. And I will sacrificed a lot more if you let me. Wallahi sayang.. Wallahi I did this for us. So we don't have to hold back any longer. I'm really really sorry I can't promise you a happy life, but that doesn't mean I won't try, doesn't mean I won't work hard for you and our future kids. If only you were patient enough to wait for me to try to give you my everything. But if he can give you the safety and comfort of both worlds, then maybe you have chosen a better man. I'm sorry my dear that I can't promise you Dunia, I can only promise you Jannah, well if Allah wills it of course.. InsyaAllah. I know its wrong me wishing you will come back to me and start over. But I can't help it, the heart want what it wants. I wished I could give you more princess.. You deserve so much more. I have failed you sayang.. I have failed you..