Nights Like This

I wake up every night for tahajjud.. 12 rakaat of solat hajat.. Dhuha every morning.. I fast on weekday.. I pray a lot more during my free time. I do this, I do that.. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing this for Allah or for you? I know my niat is for Allah.. But I feel like I'm doing this for you, I think of you most of the time. I just hope that Allah will understand the situation I'm in. I hope he will answers all of my prayers for you. I hope Allah will terima all of my ibadah. I wished you were still with me.. My prayers were more sincere back then. I can pray without having this doubt..  Everything I did back then were more sincere. I would pray for my friends too, but now, most of the time it's you,  and sometimes, only you. Now I feel so fake.. Now I feel like I'm doing all of this because I want something from Allah. Not because of taqwa, not because of love. Now I feel like I'm doing all of this because of my own desires.. I know I shouldn't be feeling like this, I know it might be the work of the devils. Maybe they made me feel like this, this doubt.. Hmmm..

اياك نعبد واياك نستعين

"It is only You I worshiped, and it is only You I beseech for help.."