This Doubt

I cried the whole day today.. In my sleep, while I'm the shower, when I was sitting down doing nothing, when I take a walk outside, when I go through all of our pictures together, when I'm about to break my fast, In my prayers, even while I'm writing this.. I miss you so love, I miss us. I'm sorry I messaged you twice today.. I don't know why I wanted to talk to you so badly. It hurts you know? It hurts not being able to talk to you anymore, it hurts not being able to see you again, to know how was your day, what you had during your breakfast, lunch and dinner. It hurts so much not being able to know how you feel or how you fare today. It hurts so much knowing that I no longer be able to wish you good morning or goodnight. It hurts so much I can never say that I love you anymore.. It hurts so much dear. here I am wondering what I did wrong to deserve this, was my past sin so bad that it brought me here today. Did I ever hurt someone this bad, did I ever cause someone so much pain before? Sakit Ya Allah.. It hurts so much Ya Allah..