Dead Dragon

Take her away and I'll break.

Green Life

Sayang..

On The Moon

I was supposed to be an English teacher, and you a Bahasa Melayu teacher to our kids..

Orion's Belt

I can't wear the belt that you gave me on my birthday last two years. It is a bit loose now.. It was fine when I was 65+KG, now that I'm back at 54KG, I can't wear it anymore.. Too loose. But I would still wear it though.. It was very thoughtful of you. You know I don't have that type of belt.. I was hoping that I would get to wear the belt that we bought for our hantaran. Braaazzzillll!! Hehe.. Remember dear? Remember whenever you mention the word 'Brazil', I would say it like that.. Haha. Sampai rasa annoying pun ada kot.. Now.. I guess I would never get the chance to wear my Brazil belt and my Brazil wallet.. 

Agni

One of my friend said to me that out of all his friends, he said that I'm his one friend that Allah truly test me. Allah betul-betul uji me, test my iman. He would have given up life if he was in my position. I was strong enough he said.. When I'm happy I would pray, I would still go to the mosque every now and then, I still do all my obligations. When I'm sad, I would pray even more, day and night. I would go to the mosque and sometimes tak balik2. He said that I never forget God wheather I'm happy or sad.. Allah must have really love me if He uji me seberat-berat ni even if I never forget him. I must be special in God's eyes.. Because He only test those he love. Thank you friend.. I wish all the things you said was true. But I know myself, maybe God did this because He hates me.. Because I feel so empty, I feel so lonely. My days were dull, My nights were silence. I wished I could see your plan for me.. I wished I could trust You have better plans for me.. 

Up

I really knew about you, I knew everything there is to know about you.. We have shown everything to each other. Our bad habits, our dark side, our anger, our pain. We have fought with one another, like really really gaduh. The fights where married couples will not survived. We have loved one another more than a married couples would do. So tell me, how do you do it? How can you pack up and leave? How can you forget about us? How can you love another man after what we have gone through?

Branch Of Yore

Remember that one time we went to Alor Setar? The time where my newly bought shoes got stolen? Remember that one? I think it was during Maghrib, dah iqamat dah masa tu.. So I was rushing nak join imam sekali, silap tak tukar selipar dulu. After solat, my shoes were nowhere in sight.. Annnddd that could only meant one thing. So balik la dekat kereta.. Sampai2 dekat kereta, ada la makcik tu start membebel. Org lain yang hilang kasut, org lain yang panas. Hahaha.. Then you asked me why I was so calm, tak marah pun, tak bengang pun. Then I said something like..

"Biarlah hilang kasut tu, biarlah hilang kereta ni ke, hilang rumah ke, biarlah hilang everything that I have, as long as I have you I have more than enough."

I swear that time you fell for me even harder.. Haha. I meant every word of it. I have no love for benda macam tu, material stuff. RM300 shoes burn macam tu je. I have lost my favourite basikal. I have lost a RM4000 laptop, baru beli jugak. Our mini ferrari tu dah berapa kali kena langgar, calar sana sini. Selipar pergi masjid tu tak payah cakap laa, dah berapa ratus kali hilang. And I didnt even get mad pun bila hilang, maybe I was a little bit sad because of the sentimental value it carries. Then I said to you, I will get angry, I will marah2, mengamuk semua, or maybe jadi gila if I lost you. Which is true I guess.. I'm already half mad, dah separuh gila, dah nak separuh mati. Kalau takde agama ni rasanya dah lama dah bunuh diri.. Haha. So thank you God for keeping me sane. If only I was that calm when I lost her, I was that relax the day I lost her. If only my heart was strong enough, If only hati ni boleh redha seredha-redhanya.. My heart is stubborn just like his stubborn princess. Dua2 sama je degilnya..

Dearly Departed

Is she safe? Is she alright? 

Little Alchemy

I cried till my eyes hurt, sampai rasa pedih sangat..

Nights Like This

I wake up every night for tahajjud.. 12 rakaat of solat hajat.. Dhuha every morning.. I fast on weekday.. I pray a lot more during my free time. I do this, I do that.. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing this for Allah or for you? I know my niat is for Allah.. But I feel like I'm doing this for you, I think of you most of the time. I just hope that Allah will understand the situation I'm in. I hope he will answers all of my prayers for you. I hope Allah will terima all of my ibadah. I wished you were still with me.. My prayers were more sincere back then. I can pray without having this doubt..  Everything I did back then were more sincere. I would pray for my friends too, but now, most of the time it's you,  and sometimes, only you. Now I feel so fake.. Now I feel like I'm doing all of this because I want something from Allah. Not because of taqwa, not because of love. Now I feel like I'm doing all of this because of my own desires.. I know I shouldn't be feeling like this, I know it might be the work of the devils. Maybe they made me feel like this, this doubt.. Hmmm..

اياك نعبد واياك نستعين

"It is only You I worshiped, and it is only You I beseech for help.."

Find Your Way

Remember that one time you took care of your grandmother? Do you know how hard I fell for you that time? You are the girl of my dream.. You have all of her quality. You have that sifat keibuan. That's what I love most about you.. You are good with kids, you can cook, you don't mind doing the housework. Of course I will help you dear.. I like doing things together with you. Remember that time we washed our car together? That was so much fun.. Would love to do it again someday. We would cook together, clean the house together, do laundry together, play with our kids together, pray together as a family, going to the park or the beach, makan sama-sama, I would like to eat dalam talam if you don't mind. Now I can only imagine this at the back of my head.. I'm pretty sure you would be a great mother. Just like my mother.. And your mother of course. I'm not sure I will be a great father. My father left us when we were still kids.. I don't have a role model growing up, I didn't have a father, I didn't know about Rasullulah SAW that time.. I just hope this apple falls far from the tree. I hope I will be better than him.. 

Made In Japan

I think I have said this before to you. I didn't want to marry you just for me.. I'm doing this for my mother as well. As you know, my mother is a single parent. She doesn't have anyone else but my brother and me. She doesn't have a man in her life anymore. I need you for my mother.. Soon my kakak won't be here with us anymore. You are good at cooking, you can do chores, you can take care of kids.. So you can help my mother cooks, clean the house. She is getting old.. She need help, she need your help. I'm pretty sure you can help me take care of her.. I can't always be there for my mother. I may need to go to work.. So I need you to stay home with my mother and take care of her. I need you.. Not just for myself, but for my mother. Everything was perfect, she likes you a lot. I want you to take care of her.. She loves you. She adores you. She misses you too.. And if one day she's no longer with us, I hope you can help her. Tolong mandikan my mother dear.. Because I can't. I wished I could.. But I can't. I hope you would be able to help me.. Will you help me dear? 

Sleepy Hollow

If you really love her, kalau kau betul betul sayangkan dia.. Always pray for her. After every solat, say her name. Tell God about her.. Tell Him about her smile, tell Him about her eyes, tell Him about how she laughs, tell Him what made her so beautiful.. Why she is so perfect to you. Tell God what do you love most about her, tell God how she pisses you off. Tell God how she merajuk, and what you did to pujuk her. Tell Him about the story, the memories behind every pictures in your phone. Tell him everything.. Even those nights you both weren't proud of. Tell God everything.. The good and the bad. Tell God how much you miss her, how much you love her. Talk to Allah.. Pray to Allah for her happiness. Don't stop praying for her.. Never stop saying her name in your sujud. Continue to love her always.. If you really love her, wish her all the best. Take care of her, watch over her, be there for her if she needed someone.. Always keep her in your heart. Keep her safe.. 

From Above

I can't draw, so I write..

Ra

"..and then the little mermaid turned into bubbles and disappeared." 

She's gone now I guess.. Hopefully it is not permanent, only temporary.

Assassin Of Heroes

I want to be her knight in shining armour again.. I want to protect her again.. I want to watch over her again.. I want to give her my everything again.. I just want to save her again.. I want to be her hero again.. I want to be the one for her once more..

Holy Grail

Will I ever get the chance to bring her with me to meet You? To introduce her to You.. The woman I want to enter Jannah with.. Can I be the one that holds her hand when we enter Your paradise Ya Allah? Can I be the one that guides her to the right path? Can I save her? 

Dearly Beloved

To be honest, I think your make up was a bit too much, don't you think so too dear? I prefer the make up you wear when you graduated. You were so beautiful that time.. I fell for you even harder that time. Wallahi Sayang..You are much more beautiful that time. I swear you looked like an angel.. I think that's better than a princess. But none may challenge you when you baru bangun tidur.. Now tu baru betul-betul bidadari. Hehe. Like I said I love you better without any make up on.. You have that natural beauty. But that doesn't mean I love you less if you have make up on. It's just that I love to look at your bare-faced, you are so flawless.. Effortless beauty Sayang.. So beautiful.. I could stare at you forever when you fell asleep. Well I did that before.. I stopped driving just to watch you sleep. I was so lucky back then to be able to watch you sleep.. So lucky..

Chubby Princess

We have come to the point in our relationship where I can call you fat, and you won't get mad or merajuk. I always called her si gemuk, si gebu, si pipi tembam, si peha besar.. And she won't even be bothered. Haha.. Maybe because you know I will always love you no matter what kan? No matter how fat one day you will become. or how many stretch marks you will have later on, the wrinkles on your face as we grew older. No matter what happened, you know I will stay forever kan? Even if you are sick, like really really sick.. If you got into an accident, and you are paralysed or you suffered a terrrible burn. Nauzubillahminzalik.. You know I will stay forever with you kan? Never doubt my loyalty. I will stay and jaga you forever! InsyaAllah..

Winter Cabin

This wasn't supposed to happen..

Die Young

I love to jaga her.. I always hope that I could take care of her. I'm sorry I neglected you in our final moments together. I'm sorry I was too obsessed, I was too scared of our future. Maybe you don't know this.. But I was afraid, like really really really afraid. I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to take care of you, I wouldn't be able to provide for you. That's why I neglected you back then, I focused too much on my studies. I wanted to get good grades, I wanted to get a good job. So I can sara you and our kids.. Maybe you wouldn't understand how frightening the future it is to me. I'm a man, it is my responsibility to take care of you, to provide for you, to support you.. I wanted to give you everything that you want.. But I can't do that if my grades weren't good enough, if I got a shitty job with low payment. Maybe you don't know how afraid I was. I didn't want you to know.. I want you to always think of me as your strong fearless abang komander. Not a guy who is so afraid of his own future.. I should have trusted God. I know He will help me.. I know He will help us. But I was so stupid back then.. I was so afraid that it causes me to be so uptight. Selalu stress.. And when you message me, I will always get mad. I released all my worries, doubts at you. I'm really sorry I did that.. I get really tense when you messaged me when I'm studying.. You know kan you are my greatest distraction? Only you can distract me.. That's why marah tu. I need to study, but at the same time I need to layan you. Then when you merajuk, lagi bertambah marah.. I'm sorry dear I stopped treating you like a princess in our final moments. Why was I so worried about my future, about our future? Because I didn't want to be like my father.. I want to give you everything.. I want to give my princess everything that she wants.. But at that time all she wants was my attention and affection.. I'm sorry princess, if you ever read this.. Please forgive me.. Forgive me for studying too hard.. Forgive me for working too hard to fulfill your wants.. Forgive me for ignoring your needs.. Forgive me for being scared of our future.. 

They Asked

When God asked me why I want her back.. My answer will always be because I want to jaga her, I want to take care of her. I just want to take care of her.. That will always be my answer. My answer is quite simple. I really want to jaga her. We have been together for so long.. Dulu we wanted to get married so quickly because we couldn't hold it any longer. The more I get to know you, I couldn't care less about that anymore. Now I just want to take care of you.. Especially your aurat tu. Especially your lengan tu. Very stubborn.. Org dah tegur banyak kali dah. But still post picture with your lengan nampak.. Can you please check before posting? And your feet too.. I know I didn't really tegur about this, because I didn't know your feet pun aurat. Sorry. If I knew, I would have forced you to wear socks too. Hehe. So please dear jaga your aurat? I can't always be there to tegur you.. You need to take care of yourself. Okay dear?

Cover Please

Can you please jaga your aurat dear? Your arm is still your aurat.. So please cover it. Haiihhh..

Concrete

You didn't read the letter I gave you on your wedding? Hmmm..

Ashes

After I found out that your father has diabetes, and your family ada history with diabetes.. I cut down my sugar intake. When I eat, I only drink plain water.. I need to take care of my kidney. I was worried that one day you might have diabetes as well, Nauzubillahminzalik.. The way you eat worries me. I know you love food.. But you need to really take care of your own health.. I wish I could still be the one that take cares of you. You wanted me to be your trainer, nutritionist, the one that take cares of you. The one that helps you workout, the one that watch what you eat.. Hmmm.. So if you ever need a replacement for your kidney, I would be glad to give you mine.. If it is suitable of course. I hope it is.. So please dear.. Jaga diri, jaga makan, exercise frequently. Jaga your health tu.. I can't be there to marah you kalau tak jaga diri. You know kan I'm super protective when it comes to you? Semua benda I want to jaga.. I'm glad that when we were to together, I didn't allow you to eat maggi at all. Thank you for listening dear, I hope you stopped. That's why your hair is like that I think.. So no more maggi okay? Continue to not eat maggi even if I'm not around. I really really really want to take care of you my dear.. Maybe he will do a better job than me.. 

Haven't

"Dah makan?" Would love to hear those 2 words from her.. Would love to hear anything from her actually. I hope she still cares about me.. I hope she still want to know how my day was.. I hope she still want to know whether I'm okay or not? Haihh..

Poetic Bullshit

A part of me wants her to be happy, wants her to live her life to the fullest. A part of me wants her to feel what I feel, wants her to go through the pain I've felt. I'm jealous dear.. I know I shouldn't feel like this but I envy him. He gets to see you everyday, hear your voice everyday, holds you in his arms.. I missed those days where I get to see you, hear you voice, hold your hand, keep you in my arms.. If only I could turn back time. I will focus more on you than my grades.. 

Her Smile

Smile Dan.. Please smile. Smile for her. Do it for her.. Do it for your mother. She doesn't want to see you like this.. Please?

Yggdrasil

I wrote her a letter today.. When the time is right, I will give it to her.

Seniman Menangis

Malam ini  akulah seniman..

Setelah kita putuskan tunangan..

Tiada kawan yang dapat meneka..

Ku berduka..

Forced

Almost choked on my own vomit today..

Reunited

Your phone lights up.. It was a message from me. The man you used to love. Someone who once was your everything.. A simple hello from this someone could brighten up your whole day. The man you used to trust with anything..

It was a message from me. The man you hurt. Someone who has just lost everything. The man you hate, but still sends up prayers for you.. Wishing you all the happiness in the world. The best the world could offer..

Svalbard

Despite everything that has happened between us.. I still trust you.

Hellgate London

Sampai syurga right dear? InsyaAllah..

Sinclair

Alhamdulilah she is happy.. Always want her to happy.

Beaut

Well good for her I guess..

Claire

One of us is happy, and the other one is in pain.

Wayfarer

"For you.. I would do it a thousand times over"

Ami

Weak

Sane

"Aku redha dengan ujian ini, aku redha dengan pemergiannya.."

I've said it over a thousand times.. But the heart still longs for you. This heart still can't accept the fact that you no longer love him. That you have found a better heart to love.. This heart of mine still loves you dear, he still cares about you.. He misses you so much dear. He's just like a child who has just lost someone dear to him, and he can't accept the fact that they won't be coming back..

This Doubt

I cried the whole day today.. In my sleep, while I'm the shower, when I was sitting down doing nothing, when I take a walk outside, when I go through all of our pictures together, when I'm about to break my fast, In my prayers, even while I'm writing this.. I miss you so love, I miss us. I'm sorry I messaged you twice today.. I don't know why I wanted to talk to you so badly. It hurts you know? It hurts not being able to talk to you anymore, it hurts not being able to see you again, to know how was your day, what you had during your breakfast, lunch and dinner. It hurts so much not being able to know how you feel or how you fare today. It hurts so much knowing that I no longer be able to wish you good morning or goodnight. It hurts so much I can never say that I love you anymore.. It hurts so much dear. here I am wondering what I did wrong to deserve this, was my past sin so bad that it brought me here today. Did I ever hurt someone this bad, did I ever cause someone so much pain before? Sakit Ya Allah.. It hurts so much Ya Allah..

Moon Mice

Please don't take this feelings away from me Ya Allah.. I don't care how much it hurts, InsyaAllah I can take it. I have seen her in love with another man, I have seen her in the arms of another man. So please Ya Allah.. Please allow me to continue to love her, continue to sayang her, continue to take care of her. Whenever she made a mistake, allow me to tegur her.. I don't want to stop loving her. Please don't punish me for loving her, I know she is with someone now.. But please don't punish me because I couldn't stop looking out for her, please don't punish me because I still care so much about her well being.. Allow me to keep her in my heart. Make this love last forever. Make this love stays in my heart till Jannah..

Death Wish

I was so busy praying for her happiness day and night that I forgot to pray for my own. Allah answered my prayers, she's happy now.. And if I truly love her, I should be happy for her as well.

Gwent

There will always be a place for you in my heart. For now, and for evermore..

Rights

All the sacrifices that I've made.. I hope you won't ever forget about that. Please don't forget Sayang.. Don't ever forget all of my sacrifices. What I have gone through to make you happy, what I have to do to fulfill all of your wishes. I know I should have done a lot better. I know what I did its not much, just please don't forget everything that I did for you.. From all the little things that I did to all the big things. Remember that one night you said you were hungry and it was raining? I walked under the rain to buy you some maggi. That one day you said you feel like eating seafood, and I was sick at that time? Body and mind said no, but my heart said yes. So I brought you to Kuala Perlis.. We had our expensive meal by the seaside. Didn't know it was going to be that expensive.. Nasib baik jadi Komander. Hehe. You said you wanted a big teddy bear, so I bought you one.. I hope you didn't throw Danny away.. Every time during your special week, I will always buy you desserts, I will bring you with me for a drive. Just a drive to nowhere.. So I can take care of you. So I will be there by your side when you want to complain how much it hurts. Please don't forget all those things, please don't forget what we have gone through together. Please don't forget about me, about us.. I'm so scared that you will one day forget about me.. Please don't forget Sayang..

Both

Maybe I'm just being selfish now.. So tell me dear, is this me? Am I the one that hurt you the most and at the same time love you the most as well?