XI

Is this love or lust?

Hierophant

Feels like I'm being punished for loving someone so much.

Sir Cattington

2 years trying to find peace and I'm afraid I'll find it in someone else.. And she could not give what I seek.

Night Call

Is this the right thing to do?

Fish Story

Fuck 2017

29th Park

If they don't love you, know that I am here.. Always.

Miss Home

A girl jokingly called me 'ayang' that one time. I know she was just messing around.. But that one word, it breaks my soul. It really did. Felt like shit the rest of the day realizing that I might never hear you call me that ever again.. 

Return

When your mother wants you home, but you still need time.. A lot more.

Future Unwritten

I guess it's easier to tell them, "I'm here just for the time being.." rather than, "I'm here because I've given up."

Holding Your Shadows Close

Yes, I do, I believe..

That one day I will be..

Where I was, right there..

Right next to you..

Reflected Memory

I talked about us like we were still together..

Apostate

"Have you lost your faith in God?"

Dearly Departed

Maybe God doesn't know this heart..

Wraith

I guess it was a mistake asking God to give you the best. Once you start praying the best for someone, you just might lose them.. Because I know I'm not the best for her. I couldn't promise her an easy life, I couldn't promise that I won't make her cry, I couldn't promise her that I won't hurt her.. The only thing I could promise her was forever.. And that's it. Wished it was enough.. Really wished it was enough..

1000

Sometimes I'm glad that God chose me to feel all this pain instead of you.. Though most of the time I wished we would experience it together.. Those hurtful moments, every time we hurt one another, both of us will feel the pain. We would go through everything that is good and everything that is bad.. Together. "Susah senang bersama.." Remember love?

Reclamation

Maybe one day God would show me mercy..

Valhalla

Half in hope.. Half in agony..

Life-Binder

When I speak to God about how much I miss you, about how much I long for you just doesn't feel enough anymore. Wished you were still here love.. So that I could just tell you myself..

Castle World

Ghost of the past that will forever haunt the fuck out of you.

Soft Spoken Words

They say I looked the happiest whenever I talked about you.. If only they had not told me about it.. Because now I couldn't feel the same like I did before. I just want you to know that I was genuinely happy when I talked about you, well before they told me I looked so happy and alive. Now I can't feel the same because I know the truth.. The girl I talked about is gone now.. She's dead. She's not the same girl I once knew.. She's gone. 

A Journey To Find

a heart, a home, peace and happiness..

Devil's Rejects

A friend of mine asked me about us. She doesn't know neither the truth nor what had happened between us.. But I did tell her the truth. No, I didn't say that you left me and I also didn't say that we are no longer a thing, that we are no longer together. What I told her was that I still love you, I told her that I'm still in love with you.. "Masih sayang." was the exact words I used. In a way it is still the truth.

Perennial

Need to constantly remind myself that I should just take one day at a time..

Silent Labyrinth

I miss you more than usual today..

Stealing The Moon

Met someone who sold his motorcycle to buy a ring for his girl.. And soon after that he got cheated on. He told me that girls are something else.. They can remember every single one of your mistake, but they can't remember all the good things that you do, all the sacrifices you made for them. I wished all the things he said doesn't remind me of you.. But I'm afraid it did.

Saint Martyr

When you can't tell a friend that everything will be fine because things has not yet been for you.

Lantern Wolf

Is my name still in your prayers, like yours is still in mine?

Drop Of Wine

I'm sorry I could not stay better..

James

The fear I have for God is slowly turning into hate..

Momento

Letting go of what you had hoped would last a lifetime..

Daughter

Bought for her the same type of shoes that I would buy for you. Pump shoes with a ribbon at the front. It looks cute on you.. Probably be the same for her.

10 Hours

I'm still waiting for that "better tomorrow" that people kept saying.. 

Things In The Room

Drove about 500km back home to just give you your birthday gift, and another 500km back because I have to go to work the very next day.. I really really hope that you won't throw it away this time.. Please.. 

Oppressor

If only the easy way out of this mess doesn't send you straight to hell..

Fireborn

Today was supposed to be our anniversary, the real one. You told me that you love me on this date years ago. So I guess happy anniversary love..

On His Throne

God doesn't have to prove that He is fair, though sometimes I wished He would..

Nightfall

Another shitty Raya. It's just not the same without you.. I miss us love.. I miss how things used to be.

Blue Dreamer

I don't want something better, I don't want something perfect. Just want things to stay the way it is.. Just want it to be how it used to be. Was that too much to ask for?

Yoel Of Londor

Used to get excited when Ramadhan comes, not this year I guess.

On Borrowed Time

Went to Carl's Jr. today and for the life of me I couldn't even finish one burger. Remember back then? We went to Carl's Jr. with your friend? I could almost finish two sets of whatever we bought that day. Now I could only eat like half a burger then I'm done. I was fasting as well today, thought I could at the very least finish one set.. I guess without you I can't be like I used to. Besides, kuat makan has always been your trait.. And I just borrowed it. 

Peace

Just gotta take one day at a time.. Really wished it was as easy as it sounds.

Fight

Not everyone will learn from their pain I guess..

Everyone Else Disappears

For someone who got cheated on, never knew you would do the same..

Maha Adil

Though God doesn't have to prove to me that He is fair, sometimes I wished He would..

An Old Path

Taubat used to be when I would say sorry, Dhuha used to be when I would say thank you.. But now every prayers is just me begging to God to give back everything He took from me. Every prayers feels like I'm doing Hajat. The last time I said Alhamdulilah with a big smile on my face was back when I was happy.. Back when you were still here. 

Goodbye Moonmen

Stopped praying for a week just to see whether if I might be one of those people. People that doesn't pray but God still give them everything.. Istidraj' is the word, however you spell it. I guess I'm not one of those people, since I felt more miserable when I intentionally skipped all those obligations. I guess I'm one of those people whose life gets hard when you stop praying, and life gets even harder when you pray. It's going to be a long night.. A week worth of prayers I have to cover back.